Tuesday, January 6, 2009


Why is it so hard to accept?
A clever man once said "You always either run towards now or run away from now"
Running around in circles as fast as the mind can flit
Is it really so terrible to be incapacitated and stuck?
Is it really so terrible to hang upside down from a high beam?
Is it really so terrible to sit and wait...and wait...and wait?

"What does it feel like?" you once asked me...
It is like a man breaking the water, gasping for fresh air, thinking "thank god! I am alive", only to be swept right under again and again and again. Pulled below by heavy shackles bound to his feet. You probably heard about Prometheus, the man who stole fire from the gods to spend the rest of eternity in Hades. Every day vultures would tear the liver from his living body with slow, agonizing 'grace'. Every night he would heal again, just so that the vultures could tear at him like a prayer the next day. If Prometheus dared to defy the gods today, he would probably be blessed with Bipolar. It feels pretty much the same.

So yesterday, after a couple of months of trying real hard to eat right, think right, feel right, act right, live right and pray right and realizing that the vultures return nevertheless, the sign "ACCEPT" was emblazoned on my face. It really goes against society's grain of doing something, trying real hard and going somewhere. I was finding it hard...to accept and wanted to say something...but then he said "what's 6 more months of waiting compared to an eternity of hell"...so I just shut up. 6 more months of blankness it is.


mundongmaligaya said...

oh nilu...it's interesting i was just reading the Lessons from the Lotus and I came upon the chapter self-acceptance...After months of months of trying to understand and become. We think that we have discovered so much about ourselves. Then ending up only to realize that the only thing we need to be discover is where we have been standing in the last five minutes...

Jove said...
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niroshinie said...

I dont know nilu.. in my experience sometimes we just have to accept stuff after getting tired of trying to change so many things. but then we start to feel stagnant - like we need to do SOME thing. me, i normally can't sit and wait for things to happen. maybe thats my undoing. :( personally i think patience is a kind of bravery.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with Niro. Patience and acceptance need real bravery and courage. Of all of that personal acceptance needs the biggest amount of courage!