Disability, Vulnerability, Desire

Desire

I desired you
To find me
To desire me
Not finding you
Not finding me
It was just a dream
You
Me
Desire

Cat's Eye

http://catseyesrilanka.wordpress.com/

All time favourite feminist thunderbolt finally making its online debut!

Wounded Soldier

Wrote this when I was around 12/13. Most of us were born to this war... It suddenly popped in to mind in light of where we are.... Feel it's appropriate to finally post this....

When glad at last as a bird set free
I wandered in to the world
Which was long forgotten
and will not be seen by many again...

But then there was sorrow in my guilty heart
For I could hear the inhuman thunder sticks
roll upon my friends, taking their lives away
These words, they all still ring in my head
"Turn back, turn back and fight for your friends
Go back, go back and save them"
But I maybe the last soldier left....

Amidst the fire balls and thick black smoke
I return to the battle field again
it is better to finish the job I came for
Though I may never see the sunlight again....

(This is a tribute for those who fought, who bled, who fell, who ran, who hid, who returned, who stood and bled...this is for you...)

Sweet Candied Toffee...

Sweet candied toffee,
Sticky and moist on my fingertips,
Sweet candied toffee,
Clinging hard to the rims of my reddened lips,
Sweet candied toffee,
Slowly melting in the warmth of my hungry mouth,
Sweet candied toffee,
Breaking apart in my sweaty fist,
Sweet candied toffee,
Crumbling down upon my salty skin,
Sweet candied toffee,
Biting and nibbling, I can’t stay still,
Sweet candied toffee,
Head spinning, pulse racing, this sugar rush!
Sweet candied toffee,
Oh sweet candied toffee!....

Accept

Acceptance,
Why is it so hard to accept?
A clever man once said "You always either run towards now or run away from now"
Running around in circles as fast as the mind can flit
Is it really so terrible to be incapacitated and stuck?
Is it really so terrible to hang upside down from a high beam?
Is it really so terrible to sit and wait...and wait...and wait?

"What does it feel like?" you once asked me...
It is like a man breaking the water, gasping for fresh air, thinking "thank god! I am alive", only to be swept right under again and again and again. Pulled below by heavy shackles bound to his feet. You probably heard about Prometheus, the man who stole fire from the gods to spend the rest of eternity in Hades. Every day vultures would tear the liver from his living body with slow, agonizing 'grace'. Every night he would heal again, just so that the vultures could tear at him like a prayer the next day. If Prometheus dared to defy the gods today, he would probably be blessed with Bipolar. It feels pretty much the same.

So yesterday, after a couple of months of trying real hard to eat right, think right, feel right, act right, live right and pray right and realizing that the vultures return nevertheless, the sign "ACCEPT" was emblazoned on my face. It really goes against society's grain of doing something, trying real hard and going somewhere. I was finding it hard...to accept and wanted to say something...but then he said "what's 6 more months of waiting compared to an eternity of hell"...so I just shut up. 6 more months of blankness it is.

Alien

Fear that it will be forgotten
That you will wander again, only to stumble on those rocks
You tripped on yesterday
Just climbing that sentry post to watch
In silence and disbelief
All the pain, torture, battery, cruelty, flogging and "justice"
All that which was executed with perfect conviction, obsession and fervor
Down there on the vast landscape of your memory, consciousness and experience
Which world does this bloody, beaten, wounded and wailing landscape belong to?
Who reigns here in this twisted dungeon built so faithfully in paradise?
Who lashes, shouts, abuses, flogs, burns, gores, cuts, strangles and suffocates?
Who is the master of this realm, built so passionately with bricks
of sins, mistakes, allegations, sentences, evictions, banishment, penance and shame
No notion of fair trial where guilt's the certain life and way
All based on firm conviction from scriptures that you make
How can you be so merciless, clever architect of hell?
Let me see your face, I won't run again
Won't hide, won't kick, won't shout, won't fret
My companion night and day
Let me see your face as you convulse in pain again
It's you I clearly see...It's you...It is me...